It seems like just yesterday that I took that pregnancy test, knowing it would come back positive this time. I waited for Canean to leave for work and then immediately took the test. That day was one of the longest days of my life waiting for him to come home that afternoon. We had been trying for a while with no luck, so I wanted it to be a surprise. He came home rattling on about something with a house in Texas that we were thinking about buying at the time and I thought he would never let me get a word in! Finally I interrupted and told him I had a surprise. I made him close his eyes, and gave him a piece of paper on it where I told him in a not so obvious way that he would be dad. We both cried, were in shock, and felt incredibly grateful that God would give us this gift. Fast forward to 9 months later and we are two weeks and two days from baby boy's due date and it all seems so surreal to me.
How did it all go by so fast? I am not even sure how to describe my emotions these past couple of weeks. One minute I can't wait to hold him in my arms, and the next I get the first time mom jitters and just want to keep him safe in my tummy forever. Canean and I are trying to savor these last couple of weekends where it's just the two of us all the while we find ourselves talking constantly about what life is going to be like when our family of two becomes three.
I'll admit I had a freak out moment about a week ago where I was overcome with emotions thinking about our life changing. What we have is so amazing, it scared me to think about bringing another person into that equation. That might seem completely strange to you, but to me it made complete sense. We talked about it, prayed about it, and I quickly realized that everything great about us will just be magnified that much more when our little guy is born.
For our marriage, babies were never a definite want. Sure we would mention it casually, but neither one of us knew from the start that a baby would be in the equation for us. We have always been so happy with just the two of us that my maternal clock took a little longer to kick in. Seven years it took to be exact, and frankly we were both a little terrified of becoming parents and being responsible for another human being.
I will tell you that since becoming pregnant, it just clicked. I knew he was meant to be a part of our family and that we will be the parents that he needs us to be. I have fallen even deeper in love with my husband throughout this journey and I haven't even seen him hold our baby in his arms. When I think about that image, I get emotional immediately. His compassion, love, and tenderness towards me over the past months has given me a sneak peak into what he will be like as a father. He's just going to rock at it and he doesn't even know it.
I don't know what I am more excited about honestly...being a mom, or getting to watch Canean evolve into the best dad with our little boy. I am forever imagining the two of them doing different things together and my heart swells beyond capacity at the thoughts of my boys, and knowing that I get to keep them forever.
These thoughts have become even more frequent over the past week as I approach the end of my pregnancy. My body is starting to tell me that the end is near and I have definitely felt the need to slow down a bit.
My belly looks like it might pop at any moment, my womanly parts feel like they have done the hardest crossfit workout of their life, and the heartburn is at an all time high. I have been lucky thus far and haven't had too much to complain about so I guess I'm due for a few aches and pains. I'll take it to get to hold him in my arms over and over again. I could live in the bathtub right now and sometimes take at least two lavender baths a day. It's the time where my body doesn't hurt, I talk with my baby boy, and slip into a day dream about holding him in my arms.
I know the road ahead will be an adjustment and there is a whole lot of unknowns for us, but I couldn't be more excited for what is to come with my little family. I'm trying to soak in what it feels like to have him inside my belly where only I know his little patterns of activity. All of his kicks, hiccups, and little foot jabs to my side are just for me right now. I never want to forget this special time.
I am oddly excited about labor and have been preparing mentally and physically for what is to come, granted all goes as planned. What an amazing thing that our bodies can do...grow a human and birth them too. Being a woman is pretty incredible and I have realized that even more throughout this journey and as I have watched my body change and adapt to keep this little person alive and healthy.
Over the next twoish weeks, I'll be trying to get as much work done for the blog as possible, but am planning on taking maternity leave for the month of October to enjoy and adjust to our new family member. I ask for those of you who do pray, to pray for me and my family for a safe delivery and recovery for me and my sweet baby boy.
These next two weeks will no doubt be the quickest but at the same time the slowest two weeks of my life waiting on the best gift that I'll ever receive. :)
I get to be a mommy...pretty amazing.